


Hell's Bells

by thornsilver



Category: DCU, Smallville
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 11:43:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16853377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thornsilver/pseuds/thornsilver
Summary: Lex's weddings are cursed.





	Hell's Bells

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for illmantrim and posted to LJ.

Lex's first wedding went off without a hitch. His wife did not try to kill him until after.

Lex's second wedding was a bit fraught. His best friend did not show up for it, and the people he *wished* were his family had to leave early. And then came the whole bit where his *second* wife tried to kill him.

On Lex's third wedding day, he was hiding under the table with his wife-to-be and promising himself to fucking elope next time.

On the plus side, Lana Lang (hopefully soon Lana Luthor) was wearing only her white slip and thigh highs, designed to go under the wedding dress. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Lana firmly believed that to be seen in that dress by the groom before the wedding will bring bad luck. Privately, Lex thought she was nuts, since, on the minus side, the Mansion have been overtaken by a group of unfriendly gunmen, and the bad luck seemed to already have arrived. Lana Lang, however, was a woman of convictions. Sometimes those convictions were not encumbered by common sense.

He could not see a single security man. Or woman. He wasn't picky. He strongly suspected he will have to restructure his security force again. Why can't he get decent personnel anyway? He'll just have to bite the bullet and hire from Wayne Securities. He can put up with Bruce's smugness if armed psychos would play a smaller part in his life.

"So, is he yours or mine?" he asked Lana, after finishing quietly sharing the situation with the police and putting the cellphone away. It was not an idle question. Lana seemed to attract violent (and extremely strange) people with almost the same frequency as he himself did.

The woman gave him a look that should have made his balls crawl back into his belly, but Luthors were made of sterner stuff.

"Where's Clark?" she hissed.

"Off planet. I think it's his way of protesting the wedding."

Decent small-town women raised by Nell Potter do not swear aloud, but he could bet that Clark's alien ears were burning somewhere out in space, whether he was using his superior hearing or not. Two spots of color burned high on Lana's cheeks and her eyes glittered. She was beautiful when she was angry...

Deadly gunmen. Lex sighed and re-settled himself under the table more comfortably. Now was definitely not the time.

Screw Clark, anyway. In theory, the man understood that making it in the political arena required certain amount of traditionalism. In practice, his Kent-reared sensibilities seemed to rebel at the idea of his two lovers legally shacking up. Well, he had his chance to marry Lana. His loss was Lex's gain.

"This was supposed to be my special day!" There was a note in the bride's voice that made all of Lex's hard-won danger instincts go haywire. He had almost forgotten that recently Lana had seemed to subscribe to "rescue of the drowning is for the hands of the drowning" outlook on life.

Smallville (and hanging around Clark) had provided a school of hard knocks. They were probably at least as qualified to take care of the intruders as the local police force. They just needed a plan. And it's not like he could keep Lana down once she made up her mind...

=============================================================

Two hours later a radiant, if somewhat bloodied bride, exchanged her vows with just as radiant and slightly more beat-up broom. The story made national news. Lex was rather happy at the way this disaster turned out. You could not buy that kind of publicity.

Clark, of course, was even more pissy once he came back and found out about the wedding excitement, but Lex could not be bothered to fight back. Still, he had to swear to Clark that when he got the law changed to allow for three way marriage, they would have a quiet and private ceremony. With all of the Justice League in attendance, just in case.

Maybe he'll even let Bruce plan it.


End file.
